Karen and Bob are my parents. They are 2 retired crazy people. Perhaps one of my siblings can jump in here and explain why, but that may be a bit difficult.
Anyhow, they have the stupidest conversations and exchanges. Stupid, but amusing. These folks have way too much time on their hands. Here is an excerpt from last Friday at their house...
Bob: " I can't find the funnies (aka comics)"
Karen: "Did you check the blue chair?"
Bob: "Of course I did Karen!"
Karen: "Well I don't know where they are then."
Bob: "It doesn't matter. I'll be fine "
5 minutes later
Bob: "I can't find my funnies. I'm turning into a cranky old man."
Me: "Turning into one? Why don't you go see what is on Fox News?"
Bob: "Very funny."
Some time passes. Dad (Bob) decides to amuse himself by watching the 12:00 news turned up way too loud, while watching sitting in the dark.
Deb: "That is so depressing. He's in the dark watching the TV."
Karen: "He always does that. That is how he likes to watch the news."
I decide to leave. Sadly, a huge thunderstorm starts. I decide to postpone leaving the madness so I don't get drenched. My mom and I sit in the living room. Dad comes in, and sits in his blue chair that is automated with a remote control. (don't ask) The phone rings.
Bob: (staring at the caller id) " I don't know who it is, I'm not getting it."
Karen:Well it might be Ann (her friend). Pass me the phone."
Bob: (starting to get up)
Karen: "No Bob, just throw it."
Bob: " I'm not going to throw the phone."
Karen: "Just throw it over here."
Bob: "Karen, I'm not in a throwing position. Hold on."
Seriously, l am not making this up. Dad grabs his remote, pushes the button to push his ass up out of the chair a bit (it is one of those old people chairs), and tosses the phone. Not only does he not get it to my mom, but it goes way over onto the other side of the room.
Karen: "What kind of throwing position is that?"
Me: " You know, I just could have passed that."
Thunder and lightning continues. It is about 12:30.
Mom: "I have to get busy with dinner.":
Me: "Mom, it's lunchtime."
Mom: "Well, I have to look at the label on the canned salmon to see how much sodium it has."
Me: "Ok, that will just take a minute."
Mom: "But I have to calculate your father's sodium intake for the day."
Me: "Ok, that will take a few minutes. I think you're ok."( I should add that my mom went to an Ivy League college. She can do the math)
Bob: "Karen, have you seen the funnies?"
Karen: " Oh, I put them out with yesterdays paper, after I hid the crossword puzzle."
Bob: (makes some audible sound of disgust)
Me: "Mom, why did you hide the crossword puzzle?"
Karen: " Because I couldn't get it and it was annoying me."
Me: "That's it, I'm leaving."
Karen: " It's still raining."
Me: "I don't care, I have to go."
Karen: " Where?"
Me: "Therapy. Thanks to you I know what I'll be talking about."
Yup. Fun, fun people. Fun, old, retired people with too much time on their hands. There is more where this came from.
P.S. I'm swamped with school, so forgive me if I don't post much. Keep checking back and I'll do the best I can!