Saturday, October 4, 2008

Amazing what can happen when they can see the whites of your eyes...

So, we went to orchestra again last night. If you missed my recent adventures there, click here

Highlights of last night:

The mother I scared last week actually asked me for my phone number by the time the night was over. But, I am getting ahead of myself.

We arrive, unpack, blah blah blah. I was sitting very innocently with my book, next to the mom who wacked me in the head with her purse las week. She is talking to another mom. All of a sudden, the "maestro" (who in my opinion, is a lunatic narcisscist), starts yelling at some of the older kids.( Alissa had already left in her practice group) I turn to purse wacking mom and say "you know, he doesn't have to be a jerk to these kids." Purse wacking mom agrees, and introduces me to Dr. Mom, her friend. We start talking whispering, and then we get yelled at by the maestro. "Silence" he screams!! "I must have silence immediately!"

I should point out now, that the kids weren't even sitting to play. Their music wasn't even out. We weren't being inappropriate. Well, he shot purse wacking mom and Dr. Mom a look from the devil. I say to the other moms - "that's it, I don't have to listen to this." I walk out. They follow me. We stand out in the lobby talking for a few minutes. As it turns out, Dr. Mom is seething, because the maestro actually teaches her kid privately. He charges her $200.00 per hour. Dr. Mom is completely pissed at him, not just for yelling at him, but also because her kid had just gotten a crappy seat in the orchestra, after the maestro had promised her on the side that her kid would be a "leader" in the group. Hehe.

Interlude: I could care less what seat Alissa got, which is good, because she got one of the bottom 5 seats in the orchestra. We expected this, since she is one of the youngest kids there, and is a first year player with them. Totally fine. Plus, I hadn't been promised anything.

2nd interlude: I wore a long sleeve Target t-shirt, and brown cargo pants. Not impressive. I should point out that purse wacking mom came in a sweatsuit. I'm already rubbing off on these people. :)

Dr. Mom leaves in a huff to get some dinner. Sweatpants mom and I decide to go on a reconnaissance mission to find our kids rehearsal group to see what their new teacher is like. Both of our kids are the same age, and play at the same level. We sneak around the building, find their class, and to our delight - they have this fabulous young kid who just graduated from college. Not only is he completely adorable, but sweet, kind, and awesome. Alissa just loved him. Good news in our camp.

Sweatpants mom and I get caught spying. Awkward. We got caught by the general manager guy, who truly reminds me of Joe Isuzu. Remember that guy? For my younger readers, Joe Isuzu was a character who did commercials for the Isuzu car company. Cheesy sales guy.

This guy is nice though. I was able to sweet talk us out of our faux pas. Note to S, our current violin teacher - you helped me and didn't even know it. He looks at me and says, "Wait, I know who you are, S, is your violin teacher. Brilliant. He is brilliant."

"Yes", I agree with him. "He sure is." Joe Isuzu then pats me on the back and says "Good talking to you." and then, "your kids are so lucky to be working with Maestro. I don't know what we'd do without him." He walks away.

I roll my eyes at sweatpants purse wacking mom. She grabs me and says..."We should go out. I'm not staying here for 2 hours." I'm thinking wine or cocktails or something. She looks at me with wild eyes and says..."Wanna go to Genuardi's?"

For my out of town readers...Genuardi's is a supermarket. She wanted to go to the friggin supermarket.

I politely decline, while trying not to laugh my ass off, and go off to read my book.

15 minutes later, Dr. Mom comes back. She literally almost has smoke coming out of her ears. I asked her if she ate, and I guess that opened up a conversation. Over the next hour, I hear about her kid, blah blah blah, how unfair this is, how her housekeeper just quit, and how is she supposed to clean her house by herself, after all, it has 5 bathrooms...get my point? The biggest injustice she sees in all of this is now her kid, who got a "crappy" orchestra seat, could have continued with HIS CHAMPION FENCING TEAM.

Is it plausable that I can't relate to such things? Uhh, yeah! But, I smile, nod, commiserate with her. The night is not bad. I find humor in such insanity. Best part of the night? Well there are two actually.

1. Sweatpants mom comes back and asks me for my number. I guess she'll be calling me when she wants to go to Target or the drugstore.

2. Dr. Mom? Guess what kind of doctor she is? An opthamologist.


Maybe she was fencing.

I love Friday nights.


jill jill bo bill said...

That was hilarious! SPPW mom told Dr mom that she hada potential customer... So glad you have made friends. Sometimes (just sometimes) da bitches turn out to be pretty fun.

georgie said...

would it be wrong of me to say in your comment box that you may not wanna jill your cell number-cuz if your like me and sleep in o Saturdays she will text you and you will think WTF...then you will LOL then you will go back to sleep...

I was LMAO@the supermarket! I wish my beans were musically inclined-how cool to have a 'maestro!' Glad your happy and that other maestro and me would have a serious problem if he tried to silence me pffft

Megan said...

You are hilarious! :)

Cassie said...

Oooh I miss Joe Isuzu!

Manager Mom said...

Purse wacking mom...that's good stuff.

HappyHourSue said...

Wait: $200 AN HOUR??????? And he's a douchebag on top of it?

Deb said...

Manager mom - welcome!! Glad to have you here. Come back again.

Sue - Yup! Amazing, isn't it? I would never pay someone that much, especially if he was a jerk. But, people do. Weird.

Cindy said...

You are too funny. Thanks for the much needed laugh (since things are anything but hilarious over at Figs these days)!

And many thanks also for the kind words over at Figs. They meant a ton. xo

five tomatoes said...

Shopping is the hip new date for yuppie moms these days - but I would hope it would be clothes shopping and not grocery-getting!

J'Ollie Primitives said...

You can't relate to Dr. FiveBathrooms? Really?

LMAO at the pursewhacking sweatpants mom. Way to be!