Wow. What a day yesterday. Thanks very much to Marinka for a fabulous blog post! So, I'm sitting here this morning wondering how/what to post after such a great posting legend is on my site. I'm waiting for greatness here, you know, inspiriation of epic proportions.
Not going to happen, I'm afraid. But, I'll talk about what is on my mind today. 25 things. Yep. Those incredibly annoying memes on Facebook that everyone is doing. By the way, I can't remember if I did it...how pathetic is that? I don't think I did.
I've read a lot of these things. Some are funny, many are pathetically sappy, but in my mind, they all kind of conform to the establishment. The older I get, the more I feel the need to buck the establishment. You know, the rules are meant to be broken, anarchy view of life? Ok, maybe I'm not an anarchist, but you get what I mean. You can't be an anarchist when you have to wear special shoes. I'm oppositionally defiant, I suppose.
Today let's try an experiment - 25 things to/about someone or something else. It could be a friend, a family member, a neighbor, whoever. Let's write reality statements. It doesn't need to be mean spirited (necessarily), it just needs to be real. I'll get you started, and you guys continue it in the comment section. Try to number them, and we'll see if we can get to at least 25. If we go more than 25, the more the merrier!
To my neighbors:
1. Several years ago, all the neighborhood mommies were drooling over your husband when he was planting all those bushes outside WITHOUT HIS SHIRT ON.
2. We all saw you that time you came out to water your flowers and had forgotton to put your pants on. We also saw your wife come out and yell at you to put your pants on. Good stuff.
To my MIL:
3. It isn't ok for you to ask me what size I wear just because we were out shopping together over the anniversary celebration weekend.
4. When you turned 69 a few years ago, I couldn't stop laughing when I saw those numbers on your cake. Neither could the other DIL. Oh, your son too.
To/about my therapist:
5. I was serious when I told you that if you served margaritas, I would talk a hell of a lot more.
6. You remind me of Michael Scott from the Office.
About my blog readers:
7. You guys rule. I have a fabulous time with you all.
8. I really love comments. Don't be shy.
**update** we now have #9-25 completed! Please check the comment section so you can number your items. :)
10 comments:
I will! But I'm getting inspiration of epic proportions from YOU.
#9. To MY elderly neighbor: I love when your teenage grandson comes over to mow your lawn because he does it WITHOUT HIS SHIRT ON.
#10. To MY MIL: If you think I've forgotten any of the horrible things you've ever done or said to me, you're wrong.
#11. To MY new therapist: I really like you. I think you can plan on a long and profitable relationship with me. You can thank my MIL.
LOL...I love this...but I am lost thats what i get for being sick and working this week...off to go read what i missed
#12 To the idiot driver that cut over 3 lanes and exited almost causing a major wreck on the interstate, I can only assume you did that because your bowels had turned to jelly. If that is not the case, may it be so.
#13. To my lovely 3 month old daughter: I love you, but your bowels-not so much. Scrubbing poo out of your outfits every night is not my idea of fun. Or spit up, or vomit...
14. My niece is making my blood pressure skyrocket and I am losing my vision.
15. I just became a fan on my FB with a guy I dated in HS for 2 years. He is a famous artist and couldn't kiss worth shit.
16. You complain about being unhappy with your life despite all the improvements you make. You ignore help and suggestions and just get down on yourself even further. Stop it! Be content and grateful!
17. Don't even bat your eyelashes twice or make ANY comments about my health and/or weight. I dread seeing you because you're so active and thin--and you rub it in to my face. I want you to know that this drives me to chocolate.
18. I hope you understand that what I'm teaching you is for you to remember. I don't like to hear myself talk or repeat things. That's for when I'm old.
19. to my neighbor, the newly certified massage therapist ... you give awesome head, or scalp, or whatever it's technically called when you massage the neck and head. and the rest of the body feels great too. many thanks.
20. to my daughter's sweet little friend who playfully pushed my other daughter in the kitchen, into the dishwasher I was emptying, thereby breaking the dishwasher door off, a playful act that will cost us $500 at a time when our future income is uncertain . you're forgiven. but just barely.
to my neighbor: he is moving and I'm terrified he's going to give his house away thereby fucking up the value of everyone else's home, especially mine.
#10 is this one?
To my husband
#22 - You really can't sing well. And your song choices are scary. And why do you have to change up the words to the songs. I mean, who dreams of "White Christians?"
To my MIL
#23 - I'm sorry about your memory going. Just remember this. Your sons are the ones who decided to move you into assisted living. Not me. I'll just be packing your stuff up. You can quit calling and hanging up now. Especially the middle of the night calls.
#24. To Deb's therapist: You REALLY do look like Michael Scott and it makes watching The Office a freaky experience.
#25. To my neighbor: Your dog who bites needs to go, really. And while we're at it, you are cranky and difficult. We're never moving, so I'm thinking of ways to 'relocate' you (and your little dog too).
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