Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Cough drops, gum, candy, and ass cream

So many little weird things have happened over the last couple of days, I have several things to choose from for today's blog post. My visit to the pharmacy, however, has beaten the other topics.

We have a pharmacy in our area which requires that customers use a stupid little savings card to get "extra care" bonuses and coupons. I hate it when stores use this. Why? Two reasons:

1. I don't particularly care for the idea that my purchases are being tracked for marketing purposes. Having come from a sales background, that may seem a bit surprising, but hey, it is my business what I buy at the pharmacy. I mean really, does the marketing plan of a drugstore hinge upon whether or not I choose Playtex over Tampax? I think not.

2. I get sick of carrying the cards in my wallet and having to fish around for it at check out time. Enough said. I just don't like it.

My solution to get the sale prices? I give them a phone number. Not my phone number, but my parent's phone number. My parents are unaware of this, but I figured it was no big deal, and at least they would get the rewards, right? Wrong.

Apparently when you buy stuff with these cards, it signals the computer to generate a coupon that might be of interest to the purchaser. Fine. I get that.

Here is what I bought:

1. Cough drops
2. gum

The friendly cashier asks for my card, and I cheerfully tell him I'll give him my phone number, which as I've described is not my phone number, but that of my parents. I complete my purchase, and he says - "Mrs. **** (my parents last name), you've gotten some savings coupons today. " He looks at them. "You have a buy one get one free Reeses candy bar, and err, err, another coupon." (He is now redfaced)

I get the receipt from him, walk towards the door, and glance at the coupons. Sure enough, there was the one for the Reeses bar (yay!), and then the second one. It was a coupon for Preparation H.

A couple of things I am contemplating here:

a. Eeew. One of my parents have hemorrhoids. TMI.
b. How the hell did cough drops and gum signal that I should have ass cream? What, just because I want fresh breath, I should also have a fresh, clean, hemorrhoid - free ass? Really, what is that about? Maybe it is spearmint flavored or something.
c. If I were to redeem said coupons, I wonder if the clerk would wonder which product I would use first. Would I eat the candy bar and then use ass cream? Hopefully. I shudder to think of vice versa.


jill jill bo bill said...

Maybe that's your parent's telepathic way of telling you that you are pain their ass! To quit using their number for the love of god! To stop taking advantage of the elderly!!! Or it could be a total coinkeedink and you get to have the opportunity for a pain-free sitdown while eating your candy and gum...I'd go with the latter.

The Mom said...

THat's hilarious and so is Jill's comment, my belly aches from laughing! Can you get me some Maalox?!

HappyHourSue said...

That's just wrong that they keep tabs like that. What kind of coupon do you get if you buy condoms and KY jelly?

Christy said...

You could always explain to the cashier that you use the ass cream to keep puffy eyelids at bay...that's apparently what all the hot models do; I read it in Cosmo once or something (must be true, right?)

BTW--thank you for stopping by my blog & leaving a comment! I love comments!

Linda S said...

That's hilarious! Maybe they are registering your cycle and figure you're going to need chocolate soon anyway?

Tenakim said...

Too funny! It's like the government listening in on ohne calls!

Manic Mom said...

Were you a pain in the ass? I love it!! I was given a coupon for condoms a few weeks ago. The cashier gave the receipt & coupon to Mahala. I was walking out the door smiling at the bag boy while Mahala was sounding out Trojan! HA!

GoteeMan said...

aw, man! ew!

J/ (goteeman.blogspot.com)