Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The results are in -

After a very scientific tally on my Hello Kitty notebook paper, I have discovered that I have a tie on my hands. Not on my index finger, but on my hands. What to do, what to do? I went the easy route and flipped a coin. The winner is:
Btw, do not be dismayed. I will do the singer post soon.
So, here goes.
  1. Pick your nose. With your left hand. Right hand still works fine.
  2. Tie your shoes, or your 1st grader's shoes. This can be a problem on gym day. By the way, I know 1st graders should be able to tie shoes, but my first grader is a boy. Enough said.
  3. Style your hair. This is probably the most annoying one, since I am a hair lover. I've tried using the other part of my left hand , but it just isn't the same. So, my hair isn't up to par these days.
  4. Fasten a bra. Not easy. Try it sometime! Eventually, you will get it (like 10 min later). I am smart enough to know not to ask hubby for help with this. Men are only adept at taking bras off, and they frankly don't need any access to this "area" in the MORNING WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO GET EVERYONE OUT THE DOOR. It only encourages their bad behavior.
  5. Type peoperly. This is how mytyping looks whnr I fon't correct my many mistakrs made by my othere dingers thae aeer trying their best to pick up thr slack foe inex finfger.
  6. I swear,the one before this is for real. I have an inordinate amount of typing corrections that must be made when I type on the computer.
  7. Pay for something at a drive up. I was at the Starbucks drive up the other day, and I swear the girl was scared to take the money out of my hand. I'm sure she must have thought that I had some sort of horrible skin disease or something. So, you must pay with your right hand, which involves contorting your body in all kinds of weird ways, and then you run the risk of straining your back. Just what I need.
  8. Avoid being asked "Oh my God, what happened to your finger?" anytime you go out in public. After answering, you then have to politely listen to their horror stories of sliced digits, etc.
  9. Wash your left hand after using the "potty". The bandage cannot get wet. Must have hand sanitizer available.
  10. Put your arm down in the shower. Again, getting the bandaging wet is a no no. If you put your arm down, water will inevitably run down your arm, and onto your hand. This will happen even when you have tied a plastic bag to your arm. So, you have to look like a complete dork in the shower, and attempt to shower while you hold a Statue of Liberty pose. Very attractive, let me tell you.

So, folks, I am declaring today to be a national day of "Love Your Index Finger". The poor things are so under appreciated, and taken for granted. I implore you, today, just for one day, look at your index finger. Maybe give it a pat or a kiss, and thank it for its presence in your life. Massage it, buy it a Starbucks, get a manicure. Heck, you should even pick your nose with it, or give your ass a good scratch should it need it. Don't be ashamed. Celebrate your index fingers. Do it for those of us who can't. Remember, awareness is they key, so make sure you share these words of wisdom with your loved ones.

From the bottom of my heart (hehe I said bottom), thank you.

Humbly Yours,



Tenakim said...

awww- you poor thing! Your penmenship looked pretty good on your tally, maybe you should just start writing us all letters!

Insane Mama said...

Yep, I know from personal experience that it is VERY hard to pick your nose without a index finger :)

amelia bedelia said...

Sorry, you are handicapped. look on the bright side, at least you didn't cut the whole thing off. right?

lisagh said...

I actually gave my index finger a little smooch... just because you told me to!

Manic Mom said...

LOL.....I forgot to tell you that I love your new background. Way perrrrrrrrty. I may have to copey you.

jill jill bo bill said...

I love it!!! That was hysterical!!! My favorite was the statue of liberty. I am LMAO as we speak. ANd BTW, I type like that with no bandage...