Happy Birthday to me. Oh, and a letter.

October 30th, 1971

The world was forever changed.

The founder of Debland was born.

October 30, 2008

Dear Statistics,

I hate you. You lead me on. You make me think I "get" you, only to have you turn around and be someone else that I don't "get". I wasted days preparing for our encounter, only to be heartbroken at your trickery and deceit. I hope you go to hell. I do.

By the way, I'll be back to see you next Tuesday.

Deb

Stay tuned!

***UPDATE: I moved my poll down to the bottom of this page, so if you haven't voted yet, please do so!***

I have a few fun things to post about, but sadly at this time I am mired in Statistics exam preparations. Soooo not fun. I really think that taking this class is cutting into my fun-ness, and I am not happy about it.

Here's a preview of things to come:

1. The awesome package I received in the mail the other day.

2. A really funny new blog friend I met from LA. You have to check out her site and series online. Will post the URL soon.

3. More weird snippets of things in my brain.

I'll be back!! Wish me luck as I sink into boring-ness.

You have to see this.

My friend Emily sent this to me. It is so funny. Apparently you can have this video customized with your friend's names and have it sent to them. Try it!

http://www.cnnbcvideo.com/index.html?nid=1B6qcWdUK6g5_tg8mwu1TDM1MzcxNTg-&referred_by=11832569-ak0fO7x

If my poll makes no sense to you...

read the post underneath the poll.

P.S. Chris (my brother) , you suck.

I am a conscientious objector...

of having to take a Stat exam on my birthday this Thursday. It is just wrong and uncalled for. What kind of present is that?

I was thinking that class might be a little more fun that day if I wore a birthday crown, (you know, like the ones you wear in kindergarten), with the number 37 written on it in glue + glitter. Plus, I thought I should bring in a birthday treat to share with the class.

Is this immature? Gosh, I hope so. I am asking you to vote on this topic. See poll at the top of my blog. This could be the most important vote you cast this fall. Screw the election.

How’d you find me?

Hard to see, but here are the keywords:

1. Don't judge a book by the cover

2. cough drop in the ass

3. U should not judge a book by the cover

4.don't judge a book by it's cover

5. My birthday's on mischief night

6. cordially email closing

7.don't judge a book by the cover test

This is my most recent Blog Patrol keyword report for this week. Can you see a theme here? While most people are typing civilized phrases such as "Don't judge a book by the cover," some derelicts are Googling "cough drop in the ass." I would like to go on record as saying I have never condoned any type of activity or behavior that would involve putting a cough drop in one's ass. I did however, do this post.

In closing, I would just like to plead with my readers to never, ever, ever put a cough drop in your ass. Especially if it is one of those menthol type ones. I can only imagine how badly that would burn.

P.S. If you do happen to find yourself putting a cough drop in your ass, please report back to me so I can laugh my ass off at you share what happens. Promise me you'll tell me.

Good news, bad news

I'm not a dork!!

I did not get all of my Stat problems right. Looks like some studying is in order. That's what you get for being self righteous and thinking you know everything. Stat is kicking my butt.

(Picture courtesy of Mommy C...my new funny picture supplier)

You know you might be a super dork when

You just finished your Statistics homework and feel giddy because you are sure you got all of the answers right. Meanwhile, this is in a class where the professor has kindly told you that you have by far the least amount of math experience of anyone in the class, and that most likely, you will not get an A in the class. (By the way, he really is a sweet professor, and he truly wasn't being mean to me.) That being said, I don't like being told that I can't do something. Plus, I did get an A on my first test. Granted, an A-, but so what?

So, I'm leaving for class now. Will update you on the homework score. In the meantime, I leave you with this picture.

No, it is not Chef BoyArdee, it is my brother Chris. I have no idea why he is in a commercial kitchen cooking. Besides, don't you have to wear a hairnet when cooking in places like these? I think he should have a hairnet on the tuft of hair that sticks out over his collar.

A personal...

Watermelon? Hmm. I was at our local produce store today, which happens to be run by folks who do not speak English. Sometimes the language barrier is truly highlighted when I read some of the signs they make to advertise their produce. Today, they were selling

"Personal" Watermelons.

That is exactly how the sign looked. So, I am now quite intrigued. What exactly is a "personal" watermelon? Thoughts:

1. It is a watermelon you buy furtively and don't talk about. It's personal, after all.
2. It is a watermelon that can be used when one is experiencing that "not so fresh feeling."
3. It is a shrink in the form of a watermelon. You buy it, bring it home, and talk to it. Everything you tell it is personal. The watermelon helps you look at things from a different perspective and all becomes well with the world. If this is true, I plan on buying one and taking it to my next therapy session.
4. It's MINE. ALL MINE. IT IS PERSONAL.
5. Perhaps the watermelon is personable. It is a friendly sort, one that you couldn't bring yourself to actually cut up and eat.
6. The watermelon functions as a personal assistant so you can live the movie star life you've always wanted to live. It can be your personal shopper, scheduler, your right-hand fruit.

If you have ever bought a "personal" watermelon, please share with us at Debland why. What are we all missing? Is there a greater meaning to life if one procures a "personal" watermelon? If you haven't purchased a "personal" watermelon, I would appreciate your thoughts on what it possibly could mean.

I'm feeling very philosophical today. Also, I could really go for a slice of watermelon.

Update on Kreativ

Thanks to my friend MommyC, we have a really funny picture to look at. MommyC, I like how you think.

Is it just me, or does that guy look like Carson Kressley? Perhaps this was an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy gone bad? Or, maybe it is from his newest show, "How To Look Good Naked".

I'm Kreativ!

That's what Jill Jill Bo Bill thinks! Of course, I did confess to Jill that I had been coveting this award, so perhaps it was a sympathy gift. I have no pride. I'll take it however it comes. (That sentence didn't come out right.)

So, the rules of this award is that I have to list 6 things that make me happy. Hey, maybe I'll bring this list with me to my next therapy session. So, aside from the obvious things that make me happy, like Sean and the kids, I will list 6 unusual things that make me happy. Of course, nothing compares to my family (come on, let's all say "aawwww...") but I'll try.

1. Cafe Lattes. Homemade, Starbucks, you name it.

2. Popping pimples. I know. Weird. It is just so satisfying.

3. The Office. I love that show. So funny.

4. Rollin' with my friends. I am very lucky and honored to have a few awesome people in my life that I really love and trust. These folks actually like me just the way that I am, insanity and all.

5. Blogging. Love blogging - writing, reading, commenting, the whole bit.

6. Satellite Radio. I have it in my car, and it is in a word, awesome. I can't listen to regular radio anymore.

I know, this is a weird list. It is hard to write down a finite list of things that make me happy, because many things make me happy. I do want to remind everyone, I did preface this list with the hubby and kids.

Ok, now I get to pass this along to 6 people!! Again, hard to do.

1. Christy - http://heavyonthecaffeine.typepad.com/

2. Cindy - http://figslavendercheese.blogspot.com/

3. Kristin - http://kwr221.blogspot.com/

4. Dana - http://danajoywyzard.blogspot.com/

5. Jen - http://playgroupsarenoplaceforchildren.com/

6. Lotus - http://sarcasticmom.com/

Congratulations to all of you! Oh, and before I go, I leave you with this picture, because I am immature and I think it is funny:

A new kind of fun at orchestra.

Instead of staying at orchestra for 2 hours, I met my friend Kylee for cocktails and appetizers. I enjoyed an apple-tini,(my first one!) and Kylee refreshed herself with an Amstel light. We had a great time catching up!

I came back to hear the kids play for a bit, and the Maestro seemed quite pleasant and amusing. Did he have a change of heart? No, I think it was the cocktail. Whatever works.

Politics and Candy - just two topics today, well make it three.

This picture needs a caption. Who wants to play? Give it your best shot in the comments section. Here's mine:

"I'm not really a president, but I play one on TV."

Second: Halloween is just around the corner, and I am feeling bold enough to declare that this is in fact the world's most perfect candy bar - why?

• chocolate
• crunchy peanuts
• caramel
• Reese's peanut butter
• salty
• sweet

That's what I've got for today, folks! Happy weekend, and Happy Birthday to Sean today!!! We're celebrating tomorrow, so that tonight more pleasures of the orchestra can be experienced.

A fun time waster, thanks to Kristin.

So, I took this silly but fun quiz today...try it!

Your Karaoke Theme Song is "I'm Too Sexy"

You're a total goof ball and a bit of a nut job. You don't take yourself seriously at all. And while you may not be the greatest singer, you're the first to volunteer for karaoke. You have a wild and unpredictable sense of humor that always gets people cracking up. Irreverent and rebellious, your humor knows no bounds or limits. You enjoy shocking people. You might also sing: "Like a Virgin," "Ice Ice Baby," and "Hey Ya!" Stay away from people who sing: "Sweet Home Alabama"

What's Your Karaoke Theme Song?

So, I've been tagged...

to share 6 random things about me, that no one else knows. Kristin http://kwr221.blogspot.com/, is the tagger. I'll try my best here. If I tell you something you already know, you have my permission to cyber-smack me.

1. When I was a kid, I had a penchant for gross pets. I had salamanders and tree frogs. My tree frogs escaped, and my brother Chris (who else) put a huge rock on top of one of my salamanders and squished it. My parents made me set the salamanders free at a local pond. At the time, I thought we should set Chris free there. Actually, I'm still pondering this.

2. I was voted most sarcastic in high school. I'm sure all of you are shocked and outraged at this revelation.

3. I used to chase the boys on the playground and in the classroom trying to kiss them. No, I'm not talking about my recent return to college, this actually happened in 1st grade.

4. For my non family and close friend readers, my birthday is Oct. 30, otherwise known as mischief night. Again, this is so uncharacteristic.

5. One time, at band camp... (just kidding)

6. I secretly would love to do stand up comedy. I don't see this really happening, but am utterly fascinated at the prospect.

7. I am a shower nose blower sometimes. There. I said it. I know it is gross, but if you think about it, it actually makes sense. It is like one stop shopping.

By the way, I did 7 b/c number 5 was bogus. By the way, if I ever have occasion to use any of your showers, I promise I won't do that ...that...thing. Really. Now, if I'm at your house on mischief night, I might TP your trees or something.

I think I've tagged many of you with something similar to this, so I'll just say, that if I haven't tagged you, go for it. Be honest. Bare your soul. Tell your tales. In other words, make me feel better about my stupid quirks.

Disappointing?

I think the orchestra moms must have e.s.p. or something. I decided to mix things up a bit and dress in *normal* clothes for Friday's rehearsal. Nothing crazy or anything, but I was actually clean and not in sweats.

Well, the other moms were too! Damn. I was hoping to foil them. It wasn't a super social evening. Purse wacking mom left after she dropped her son off. Later on, I found she did in fact go grocery shopping, and didn't even invite me. The nerve of some people.

Dr. Mom found a new group of moms to talk to, which was fine by me. After having cleaned my house on Friday, I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear about the trials of having to find a new housekeeper.

So I had this great book with me, and got all settled in to get sucked back into it, when all of a sudden in breezes the Head Maestro. This guy is hilarious. Not intentionally mind you, it is just his aura, attitude, and fake rich guy accent. He is the head of the whole organization, so is not there on Alissa's rehearsal dates. Anyhow, I try to read, only to find out that there is a parent's meeting during rehearsal. Crap.

Went to parent's meeting, got to listen to Head Maestro spew a bunch of stuff about blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, your kids are so lucky, we love them so much, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, don't forget about helping with the fundraiser, blah blah blah. Then he brings in Maestro. The yelling old guy maestro, who yelled at us last week.

Well, apparently, some of the disgruntled moms have been talking amongst themselves about their kids seat positions, politics, etc. Maestro was not happy. He actually stood up there (in a very girly colored peach dress shirt, I might add), pointed at us, and said, "if any of you have something to say, you say it to ME. ME. Understood? He was pissed. So, the ass kissing political pushy moms dumbly shake their heads yes. I just stared at him. I was so amused at this point, and also consumed with my blog post, I just didn't shake my head. Besides, I have no beef with the guy. I don't care what our status is in this group. I just want Alissa to enjoy herself. So, he looks at me, and some other non nodding moms, and asks us if we heard him. After receiving very little affirmation, he declares himself finished, and that he must get back to directing. Sashays off.

Cool. The meeting must be done, right? No. Then another person gets introduced. Another Dr. Mom, who seems nice enough, but I think has drank a little too much of the orchestra kool-aid. She had this calm, fixed smile on her face, as if she had vaseline on her teeth like a pageant contestant. But, she seemed very nice. Until she started in on the fund raising. Clearly, this is going to be a theme for the year. So, I politely listen, all while thinking about the economic crisis that seems to be looming over our country. Forgive me, but I hadn't considered the financial health of an orchestra who has a big endowment during these tough times. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Are we done yet? No! Joe Isuzu gets up to say a few words. Not sure what he wanted. He seemed nice enough, I think he is just the maestro's lackey boy, and I think he genuinely cares about these kids and the organization.

Did I get to read my book? No, I did not. Was it worth it? Sure. I got a blog post out of it.

Funniest part of the evening - big headshot maestro guy rips into the snacks and water that was for the kids. He sat on the table while drinking his water (the kids water) and I couldn't help but notice that his feet didn't even touch the ground. He kind of swung his legs back and forth. Cute, very cute. Kinda like Alice in Wonderland.

I know, I'm horrible. But it is just all too funny. Happy Monday.

Guess what today is?

Orchestra day! Hoping to have some good fodder for tomorrow's post. Currently, I'm debating whether or not I should wear a sweatsuit, or mix things up and actually look presentable. Thoughts???

It all started with this...

I bought Cream of Wheat. Yes, Cream of Wheat. For whatever odd reason, I like the stuff. I suppose the cooler air might be to blame for this purchase.

When putting it in my cart on Tuesday, I thought to myself, "Does this make me really old if I want to eat this? Naaah. You're just a child of the 70's, and everyone ate the stuff back then."

The thought leaves my head almost immediately.

Yesterday, I threw my back out. How? Getting out of a chair. A chair. Well, it was a salon chair, but even so!! I now look about 2 inches shorter as I amble around all hunched over. I look, well, old. This morning I took 800mg (4 tablets) of Advil. That is a shit load of the stuff. I don't care. I need to function.

When you take that much Advil, it is essential that you eat. As I write, I just finished a lovely bowl of Cream of Wheat. Oh, and I have a shawl/throw blanket across my lap too.

Yup, I'm old. If anyone is looking for me today, I will be attending my Stat class this afternoon at my college. You won't be able to miss me. I'll be the one with the walker and a bottle of Ensure.

DAVID D...

You are the winner of Deb's date-a-versary contest!

The ironic thing in all of this, is that Dave was Sean's college roommate for a few years. We go waaaaay back. How ironic! I was assuming one of my sympathetic female readers would win, but it was not to be.

So, Dave, would you have remembered the anniversary? Do tell, do tell.

You can choose from the following prizes:

a. A Starbucks gift card.

b. A cookie-gram, sent to your home.

c. the opportunity to host Sean and I for a weekend in NYC.

d. nothing.

Email me and let me know. I'm sure Sean is hoping you'll pick d.


So, to answer the burning question...did he remember? He called last night from Europe to say hi. Towards the end of our conversation, I said, "you don't know what day it is, do you?"

Sean - "Yes, I do know what day it is."

Me - " Ok, what is it?"

Sean - "It is the 20th anniversary of our first date."

Me - "Were you going to say something about it?"

Sean - "No, why?"

Me - "Well because America is voting on whether or not you remembered."

Sean - "This is on your blog?"

Me - "Of course. Think of it this way, it's like American Idol. You might get famous."

Sean - " Hmm... Well, Happy Anniversary."

Me - "Is that all you want to say about it?"

Sean - " Uhh, yeah. Well, I've known you for a long time."

Me (thinking) - No sh**, Sherlock.

Me - "Yes, it has been a long time."

Wow, you can really feel the romance flowing freely here! I wonder what the conversations will sound like at 25 and 30 years?

The rest of the conversation was your standard run of the mill pleasantry exchange, etc. I did find out he was being flown home on the corporate jet today, which will get him home tonight instead of tomorrow.

Normally, that would be fine. But, I had a girl's wine and movie night planned tonight! Let's just keep that our little secret, shall we?

****Honorable mention to Megan! Did you guys read her poem? Very clever.******

Thanks everyone for playing!!! It really made yesterday more cheerful.

20 years ago today...

I would't have necessarily imagined this:

What is it, you ask? This, is my latte that I spilled in the car while taking the kids to the bus stop. I was that desparate for the caffeine. It got into the window controls, etc. Sigh.

So, 20 years ago today, Sean and I had our first date. I was 16. I was a cheap date.( not that kind of cheap) We went to Roy Rogers, and then to the movies. My friend worked at the movie theater we went to, so we got in for free. After that date, I was convinced I would marry him. I told him that. He vehemently denied that it would happen. We married 7 years later, October 15, 1994, after he finished college, after a few bumps in our road, etc.

Many times over these years, I always wondered what things would be like 20 years to the date from Oct. 6, 1988. Why? I don't know. So far, I've had a spilled latte, and a day that will be filled with statistics studying, as I have a HUGE exam tomorrow. Throw in piles of laundry, 2 kids, blah blah blah, you get the picture. Sean is away in Europe. He's been there for over a week, and doesn't come back for a few more days. I'm not hopeful he'll remember today. In fact, I'm fairly convinced he won't remember. Kind of a bummer.

However, being the kind of person I am, I do like to find the humor in all things. Even this. So, let's play a game for my anniversary!

First, please participate in my poll. The question is, will he remember or not? The poll appears at the top of the page.

Second, in the comments section, wish me a happy dating anniversary. Humor, quips, silly little poems, and anything that will make me smile are encouraged. Be creative! At the end of today, I'll put all commenter's names in a drawing, and will draw a winner. Winner gets an anniversary gift from ME. If you live geographically near me, we'll go out and whoop it up. If not, I'll send you something fab. We'll celebrate Debland style, for sure. Let's make this a memorable anniversary!!

Who's in? This is gonna be fun.

Amazing what can happen when they can see the whites of your eyes...

So, we went to orchestra again last night. If you missed my recent adventures there, click herehttp://debland.blogspot.com/2008/09/making-friends-in-high-places.html


Highlights of last night:

The mother I scared last week actually asked me for my phone number by the time the night was over. But, I am getting ahead of myself.

We arrive, unpack, blah blah blah. I was sitting very innocently with my book, next to the mom who wacked me in the head with her purse las week. She is talking to another mom. All of a sudden, the "maestro" (who in my opinion, is a lunatic narcisscist), starts yelling at some of the older kids.( Alissa had already left in her practice group) I turn to purse wacking mom and say "you know, he doesn't have to be a jerk to these kids." Purse wacking mom agrees, and introduces me to Dr. Mom, her friend. We start talking whispering, and then we get yelled at by the maestro. "Silence" he screams!! "I must have silence immediately!"

I should point out now, that the kids weren't even sitting to play. Their music wasn't even out. We weren't being inappropriate. Well, he shot purse wacking mom and Dr. Mom a look from the devil. I say to the other moms - "that's it, I don't have to listen to this." I walk out. They follow me. We stand out in the lobby talking for a few minutes. As it turns out, Dr. Mom is seething, because the maestro actually teaches her kid privately. He charges her $200.00 per hour. Dr. Mom is completely pissed at him, not just for yelling at him, but also because her kid had just gotten a crappy seat in the orchestra, after the maestro had promised her on the side that her kid would be a "leader" in the group. Hehe.

Interlude: I could care less what seat Alissa got, which is good, because she got one of the bottom 5 seats in the orchestra. We expected this, since she is one of the youngest kids there, and is a first year player with them. Totally fine. Plus, I hadn't been promised anything.

2nd interlude: I wore a long sleeve Target t-shirt, and brown cargo pants. Not impressive. I should point out that purse wacking mom came in a sweatsuit. I'm already rubbing off on these people. :)

Dr. Mom leaves in a huff to get some dinner. Sweatpants mom and I decide to go on a reconnaissance mission to find our kids rehearsal group to see what their new teacher is like. Both of our kids are the same age, and play at the same level. We sneak around the building, find their class, and to our delight - they have this fabulous young kid who just graduated from college. Not only is he completely adorable, but sweet, kind, and awesome. Alissa just loved him. Good news in our camp.

Sweatpants mom and I get caught spying. Awkward. We got caught by the general manager guy, who truly reminds me of Joe Isuzu. Remember that guy? For my younger readers, Joe Isuzu was a character who did commercials for the Isuzu car company. Cheesy sales guy.

This guy is nice though. I was able to sweet talk us out of our faux pas. Note to S, our current violin teacher - you helped me and didn't even know it. He looks at me and says, "Wait, I know who you are, S, is your violin teacher. Brilliant. He is brilliant."

"Yes", I agree with him. "He sure is." Joe Isuzu then pats me on the back and says "Good talking to you." and then, "your kids are so lucky to be working with Maestro. I don't know what we'd do without him." He walks away.

I roll my eyes at sweatpants purse wacking mom. She grabs me and says..."We should go out. I'm not staying here for 2 hours." I'm thinking wine or cocktails or something. She looks at me with wild eyes and says..."Wanna go to Genuardi's?"

For my out of town readers...Genuardi's is a supermarket. She wanted to go to the friggin supermarket.

I politely decline, while trying not to laugh my ass off, and go off to read my book.

15 minutes later, Dr. Mom comes back. She literally almost has smoke coming out of her ears. I asked her if she ate, and I guess that opened up a conversation. Over the next hour, I hear about her kid, blah blah blah, how unfair this is, how her housekeeper just quit, and how is she supposed to clean her house by herself, after all, it has 5 bathrooms...get my point? The biggest injustice she sees in all of this is now her kid, who got a "crappy" orchestra seat, could have continued with HIS CHAMPION FENCING TEAM.

Is it plausable that I can't relate to such things? Uhh, yeah! But, I smile, nod, commiserate with her. The night is not bad. I find humor in such insanity. Best part of the night? Well there are two actually.

1. Sweatpants mom comes back and asks me for my number. I guess she'll be calling me when she wants to go to Target or the drugstore.

2. Dr. Mom? Guess what kind of doctor she is? An opthamologist.

WHERE THE HELL WAS SHE LAST WEEK WHEN MY EYES WERE RED AND OOZING GREEN STUFF?

Maybe she was fencing.

I love Friday nights.

When you don't have anything nice to say...

...just share a picture of your mocha latte that you consumed during Stat class this week.

Damn. I'm in a crappy mood. But those lattes are amazing!

Never too late to go back to school

From the news article I read:

" The pop star dropped by John Philip Sousa M. S. 142 in The Bronx on Wednesday to present a $10,000 check to be used as an endowment for the school's year-old music program."





Thought from Deb:



Which endowment do you think that middle school boy is interested in?

Just a thought. I thought it was pretty funny. Hey, speaking of funny, go check out this website ...

http://www.thisshowagain.com/

This is a site that has a podcast created by Tom Kelly. I have mentioned Tom before here at Debland. He is a rising comic from NYC, and not only is he funny, he is actually a nice person too. He works at a popular TV show that I've gone to- which I won't name. Happy Tom?

Tom also created a funny show about his misguided attempts at becoming a merman. Yes, a merman. The opposite of a mermaid. Check this out. Full episodes are available at www.littlemerman.com

So, watch it. Listen to his podcast. He is a lot of fun. If you like him, give him a little comment love. If not, I'm sure he would love a little comment hate too, right Tom?